August 16, 2018

I Thought I Loved My Body, Was I Wrong?

We live in the era of snatched waists and thick asses but where does that leave me?

The last decade has been really interesting for bigger women. The early 2000's helped dip our pinky toe into body diversity as we all embraced J. Lo and Beyonce's curves. The Kardashian's sprung up and further echoed the, "I'm a woman, I have curves and that's ok" sentiment. Then plus size women hit the internet in droves, saying we are worthy, we want fashion and demand body diversity. Plus size brands listened to the new crop of influential plus size women online, creating better clothes more visible campaigns, ads etc.

But what really happened is that we carved out one acceptable lane. One way to be "big and beautiful". Women like Ashley Graham and Iskra were the women we said get a pass. They in fact are beautiful and yes big(ger) women can have a banging body but, only if you're an hourglass or a pear. That's not at all to say that these women don't still experience hateful comments, being told about their health by complete strangers and the rest of the vile things that go along with discrimination. But the belly... the body type where you carry most of your weight in the middle is still "unsightly", "ugly" and off limits to followers and brands a like.

A few months ago made a video on my YouTube talking about feeling too fat for the plus size industry and and it lead me to further think about not only how the industry I work in perceives me but how do I perceive myself? The thought stayed with me and really made me dig deeper. I'm confident, yes. And I love myself, yes. But confidence isn't one dimensional and isn't always iron clad. A few weeks later I made this video below, challenging myself to wear everything I'm "afraid" of and it changed my life. So many of the self imposed rules were out of the window. The insecurity about my belly showing through clothes and being seen as sloppy or worse, not stylish. F*ck that!

It's definitely a work in progress but for the first time I found myself looking in the mirror and at other women who I admire - that have large bellies differently!

Here are some things I wouldn't have worn that I've been loving now that I've given myself permission!

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